Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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