Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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