Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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