yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
