what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
