Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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