Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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