we have officially lost it.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
