she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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