If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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