...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
