I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
