he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
