I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize