i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
