My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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