yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
