My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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