she woke up with a sticky ear
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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