Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
