Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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