Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
