it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
