I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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