I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
