my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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