Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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