omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
