so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
