I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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