did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm both gender and math confused
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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