dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
