I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
