So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
