Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I will pee on everything he values.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i think im in europe. pls send help
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
