i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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