He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
