I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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