i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
