I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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