Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize