Please, let me fuck your mom
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
