I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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