420 ftw
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize