Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
