Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
