I will die if light touches me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
