you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Someone shattered a urinal.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think my moral compass just broke
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
