What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
