Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
