Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
