do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
