Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im six kinds of drunk right now
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize