ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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