There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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