I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
