we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize