so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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