My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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