I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
