Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
