so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize