This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize