i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
