Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
