don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
MIDGETS
????
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
