You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
