Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
