that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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