i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
