Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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