My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And then he peed in my hair
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