she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
