Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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