last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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