She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
