Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Why can't burritos get me drunk
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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