Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
