I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
