I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
