Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
