I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
