the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
