you would pick up someone in the library
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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