Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
