Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
