So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
