is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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