i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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