I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
