Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's get the cat blown out
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
