I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
True strength comes from lack of pants
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
